


The Time of the Season

by EventHorizon



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Halloween, M/M, Salem, mystrade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-13
Updated: 2014-10-13
Packaged: 2018-02-21 02:27:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2451266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EventHorizon/pseuds/EventHorizon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mycroft surprises Lestrade with a trip to the States for the DI to celebrate Halloween in grand American style.  Of course, this means <i>he</i> has to celebrate in grand American style, as well, and that is a lot harder than Mycroft had expected...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Time of the Season

      “I _cannot_ believe you did this!  You hate America!”

      “Gregory, my beloved… I do not hate America, per se… only the human population and their various behaviors.  And I do attempt to confine my hate to those elected to represent the marginally-educated populace and attend meetings for which I, unfortunately, am required to participate.”

      “Ok, but you also hate holidays, so this is incredible!”

      “Again, my hatred is not specifically for the culturally-contrived days of celebration, it is for the _trappings_ of the celebration.  Rabbits cannot carry baskets, my dear.  The anatomical impossibility cannot be denied.”

      “Fine, that’s true… but this is why… AAAAAHHHH!  Look!  People are already dressing up for Halloween!”

Hence the oversized paracetamol bottle in Mycroft’s luggage.

      “Did you think I would present you with anything but the fullest Hallow’s Eve experience?  I have promised you every celebratory ritual the ostentatious Americans can provide and I shall not forsake that promise.  Now, I believe the concierge is to be found somewhere behind the scarecrow and totem-pole of carved gourds.  Why don’t you seek some form of itinerary possibilities for our visit?  We have but today and tomorrow in the Boston area and I am certain you wish to make the most of our time.”

      “The scarecrow is a delivery person and there’s _two_ carved pumpkins on the reception desk.  You make it sound like the place is a haunted house!”

      “A 5-star haunted house may still be besieged by specters and corpses of the most bothersome type.”

      “I bet I can find a real haunted house to visit.  That’s why we’re here, right?  All the good stuff for Halloween and leaves to see and maple syrup to taste and pumpkins to pick…”

      “Gregory Lestrade, you are quickly devolving into a child of six.”

      “What’s wrong with that?  Six year old’s get to have all kinds of fun!”

      “Not the sort of fun that involves the enticing new lingerie I purchased specifically for this trip.  It might even be black, in a nod towards our holiday revelry.”

      “Black?”

      “Quite?”

      “Silk?”

      “Very.”

      “Just a little lace to give your skin a pretty picture to peek through?”

      “A soupcon.”

      “I don’t want to be six anymore.”

      “I shall remember that when we retire for the evening.”

      “I’ll remind you if you don’t.”

      “Forcefully?”

      “Oh yeah.”

__________

      “This is positively spectacular!  Look! Everywhere is ghosts and witches and mummies!  And that’s just the people!  The shops are… oh, I want to go in that one.”

      “Whatever you desire, my dear.  And how nice… an occult shop.”

      “We’re in Salem, Mycroft.  What did you expect?”

      “A fine tutoring program for ridding one’s self of elderly, bedeviled women.  Or Sherlock.”

      “Well, maybe they have a potion or something in here just for that.  Now come on and stop frowning.”

      “I am not frowning.  I am simply evincing a serious countenance.”

      “Frame it in your frippery finery and it’s still a frown.”

      “That was _quite_ the skilled use of consonance.  Such tongue-swirling quite enhances my mood.”

      “You’re picturing something filthy, aren’t you?”

      “Very.”

      “I am, too, actually.”

      “Does that mean we may forego our shopping excursion and perhaps have a meeting of the minds over our shared vision of erotic debauchery in the comfort of our hotel suite?”

      “Nope.  But it does mean you and I are going to make a little trip right over there to that nice alleyway full of pretty leaves that will nicely cushion my tired old knees.”

      “You have lost your senses!”

      “And you’re losing your public sex virginity.  Don’t make me make this _really_ public, Mycroft, because I’ll do it.  Probably earn us a few quid, too.”

      “You are a licentious creature, Gregory Lestrade.”

      “Only when I’m inspired.  And throbbing.”

      “Gregory…”

      “Don’t worry, I’m going to take care of that, too.”

      “And I may watch?”

      “I’m counting on it.”

__________

      “Gregory… this has transcended acceptability.”

      “W’ht?”

      “Need I really expound upon the details?”

      “Ymn’p”

      “Pardon?”

      “I said, yep.”

      “Very well.  What is that?”

      “A pumpkin muffin.”

      “Excellent.  And that?”

      “Pumpkin bread.  With cranberries.”

      “Ah.  And you are drinking?

      “Pumpkin spice coffee.”

      “How cleanly this goes.  That particular pastry?”

      “A pumpkin doughnut.  With maple drizzle.”

      “Do you begin to understand my concern?”

      “You’re worried I’m going to get fat.”

      “I’m worried you are becoming obsessive!”

      “Pumpkins are magic.”

      “I have lost you to insanity.”

      “And on our way back, I’m doing apple.”

      “Pardon?”

      “Apple walnut bread, apple cider doughnut, warm apple cider, a caramel apple on a stick…”

      “I am making an appointment for you to visit a mental health specialist the moment we return home.”

      “It’s not my fault… blame the witches.”

      “Which witch?  We have seen verily a hundred today.”

      “HAH!  Which witch – you’re really getting in the spirit of things.  Here, have a sip of my coffee.  You’ll like it.”

      “I shall not.”

      “Sip or like?”

      “Either.”

      “I _did_ pack your favorite massage oil, you know.”

      “Oh.  Well, I suppose a single sip shall not sink into me the barbs and hooks of your particular compulsion.  Ah… that is… one more if you please.”

      “Good, right?”

      “It is, I suppose, adequate.”

      “You know, we passed a shop that sells pumpkin ice cream.”

      “Really?”

      “I’m thinking I’ll need some after this hot coffee.”

      “Then I shall, as always, facilitate your pleasure, this time by assisting you with your beverage consumption.”

      “We’re going to be so cute in our little padded cell.”

      “I suppose I _could_ postpone your appointment until a later date.”

      “You want part of my apple adventure, too, don’t you?”

      “I strive to share all I can with you, my beloved.”

      “After your massage, I’ll feed you pumpkin cheesecake.”

      “My love for you knows no bounds.”

__________

      “We have reached the bounds of my love, Gregory Lestrade.”

      “Knife.  Pumpkin.  Start carving.”

      “This is ludicrous.  And infantile.”

      “It’s going to be fun!  Getting to carve our own jack o’lantern.  And there are plenty of adults here doing it, too, so don’t be surly.”

      “They are all mentally defective.”

      “You’re just afraid mine is going to look better than yours.”

      “That is most certainly _not_ a concern.”

      “Oh?  Care to make a wager?”

      “What do you have in mind?”

      “You know that posh street we strolled down before we checked in to the hotel?  Well, I may have seen a shop had had some spectacular corsets in the window.  There was a really gorgeous green one that caught my eye, too.  Very elaborate.”

      “Elaborate?”

      “Just the kind that makes you hard when I’m tightening the laces and you feel it hugging your body in all the ways you like best.  I’ve gotten very good at knowing which ones are going to fit you beautifully and make you feel like the sexy beast you are. This one would be _perfect_.  Now, are you going to carve a pumpkin with me and earn that beautiful prize or does it stay at the shop?”

      “Is there any image you would prefer I carve into my victim?”

      “Surprise me.”

      “If I carve two, may I have matching shoes?”

      “The loveliest we can find.”

      “Then I believe this shall be a marvelous artistic experience.”

      “That’s my love, always ready to join in the fun.”

__________

      “How on Earth… Gregory Lestrade, it is at this point I must put down my foot.”

      “No!  We need to get ready!  I can’t believe you tried to turn down an invitation to a Halloween party, but there’ll be no turning down a chance for a fancy dress soiree so long as I’m on the job!”

      “My dear… my loving, enthusiastic, questionably-adult dear…  this will be a horrifically miserable debacle of members of the New England political quagmire shoved into a room and forced to frolic in slave of their national traditions.  I absolutely refuse to attend.”

      “But I’ve already got our costumes!”

      “How could you possibly obtain suitable garments at this late date?”

      “That’s what that concierge fellow is for, isn’t he?  And you know that card you gave me that I only accepted in case I was in a real jam and needed a lot of cash?  The one I’ve never used?  Not once?  Well, I used it.”

      “You used my bank card?”

      “Had to.  I needed lots of cash.  And I did consider this an emergency.  We were going to miss the party!”

      “And what did your lots of cash obtain for you?”

      “Oh, you’re going to love it.  Hold on.”

<…………………>

      “You have a coat and moustache.  I believe you were, as our hosts would say, ripped off.”

      “Pfft…  you haven’t seen yours yet.  Let me get it…

<………………...>

      “You are having a joke at my expense.”

      “Absolutely not.  Isn’t this terrific!”

      “It’s…”

      “It is.”

      “I cannot…”

      “Oh, yes you can.  And you _will_ because you are going to kill in that outfit!”

      “I am not Batman!”

      “Yes, you are.  And I’m Commissioner Gordon!  The sexy Gary Oldman variety.”

      “I… there is no reality in which I would wear that… that…”

      “That point-for-point replica of the real Hollywood costume.  And there’s a bloke coming up in a few minutes to make any adjustments to it so it fits you like a glove.  A tight and stunning glove.  You are going to be the most amazing person there and put all the American bastards to shame.  My Mycroft coming down hard and showing them how Halloween should be done.  Giving it to them where it hurts… right in the Sleepy Hollow.”

      “Are you quite finished?”

      “I’ve got a little more if you’ve got a moment.”

      “I do not… however... I take it this is important to you.”

      “Well, if you really don’t want to go, I can’t make you, but we’ve never done this before and I can’t think of a better place to get dressed up and have a little fun.  And it’s not far, so we can walk and show off on the way.”

When Lestrade batted his rich brown eyes, Mycroft could deny him nothing.

      “Very well… but I reserve the right to call a halt to our evening if there is a commencement of games.”

      “No bobbing for apples?”

      “It would be most unfair to me.  How can I possibly win with the ears of my cowl forever striking the side of the basin?”

      “And my moustache would float away.  Ok, no games.”

      “Then I acquiesce.”

      “And I thank you for your acquiescence.  And, since professional laundering is part of the cost, I’ll make sure you get to enjoy your costume even after we get back.”

      “Oh?”

      “You can’t tell me you never pictured Gordon and Batman going at it hot and heavy after a really good case.”

      “Well, now I am.”

      “Good… and whatever you picture, we can do.”

      “Anything?”

      “You name it and I’m for it.”

      “Then we may need to do a little shopping on our way back, if it is not too late.”

      “This is Boston, I don’t think shopping is going to be a problem.  Or variety.”

__________

      “Now, that wasn’t so bad, was it?”

      “I have to admit that the gathering was not as odious as I had predicted.”

      “And you absolutely slayed them.  How many people asked for your picture?  My Mycroft was the hit of the party and loved every minute of it.”

      “I may have enjoyed, to some small degree, demonstrating the superiority of the British over the Americans for even their own pointless rituals.”

      “You posed.”

      “I certainly did not.”

      “You certainly _did_ and I have photographic evidence.  That’s going to be nice to have around on those nights when you’re working late and I need a little help getting to sleep.”

      “It is a violation of my person to employ my pictorial representation as a masturbatory aid.”

      “You’re only saying that because you’d rather be there in person.”

      “Naturally.  And we have at home, as we do here, a lovely balcony for such activities to take place.”

      “Oh… someone enjoyed his bit of public indecency today, didn’t he?  Hoping for a repeat?”

Mycroft placed his hand on Lestrade’s chest and pushed him backwards, using the other to open the doors to their balcony, overlooking the city.

      “Our perpetrator has leapt to what he believes is freedom, only to find a waiting assemblage of law enforcement officials and a large net.”

      “But I wanted to take him in personally!”

      “One cannot have everything, Commissioner.  Be thankful for this much.”

      “No… I want more.”

      “How much more?”

      “What will you give me?”

      “I shall give you every measure of bliss your body can possibly withstand.  And if the entire city hears your screams, I shall consider it my due and your privilege that you be known, by everyone, as mine.”

      “How do you want me?”

      “I believe we shall start with your handcuffs.  And you may remove the lubricant from my utility belt.”

      “There are _so_ many benefits to having Batman as your lover.”

      “And you shall experience every single one, my dear Gordon.  But, I believe you should now call me Mr. Wayne.”

      “God, that’s hot.”

      “And we are only getting started…”


End file.
